What the fuck is happening to me??? Suddenly I'm getting all these clashing thoughts. A whole bunch of contradictions falling right on my lap, on the verge of exploding. I just want to give up everything and start from scratch. Drop out of my current course (so damn unsatisfying), start something else, something new. Give up all my old, unfulfilled, dumb and impossible dreams, and find me some dreams that I CAN fulfill. Stop daydreaming, picturing the perfect life and start living the real one. The one where I´m just a normal guy (not the gifted super-freak everyone thinks I am), where everyone expects just what I can offer, not anymore than that. One without all the pressure. Without that sense of being followed and watched at all times. One where I can just be myself for once in my life.
It always seems like when one thing goes wrong in my life all others fall apart. My love life: A total failure. My social life: a complete blank. My talents: none. My academic life: walking toward disaster.... and fast!!!! My family: a never-ending fountain of pressure.
I could apologize for being such a pain in the ass, for writing in english, for complaining too much. But I'm not going to. If you don't like what you read, feel welcome to say nothing at all!
np:"Skin"-Madonna
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